


Through the Fire

by Donovanspen



Series: Walk Through the Valley [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2013-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-14 01:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas' final transformation from angel to human was pretty uneventful, but Dean was still worried. </p>
<p>“It’s just time, Dean,” Cas had explained in his usual reserved manner.  But Dean wasn’t buying it.  He knew his friend well enough to know that he was apprehensive about what was to come.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the Fire

“You might want to slow it down a bit,” Sam commented as they flew past the latest mile marker. “Bert isn’t going to be happy if she has to bail us out of some backwoods jail because you were speeding and then mouthed off to some deputy.”

Dean eased up marginally, but there was no way he was going down to 45mph on these deserted back roads.

“He’s fine, Dean. Bert would have called if he wasn’t.” Sam shifted around, looking just as uncomfortable, despite his reassuring words.

“Yeah, I know. Just tired and ready to be off the road.”

“Um-hmm.”

“What?” Dean grumbled, flicking an irritated glance towards his brother. “We’re running on no sleep and should have been back hours ago.”

“Gee, sorry I inconvenienced you by getting thrown through that window.” Sam’s teasing tone was now replaced with indignation.

“Quit your whining. I could have stitched you up.”

“Dean! I landed in a pile of rotting garbage. No telling what I picked up in that heap. And stop being an ass to me because you’re worried about Cas. Bert’s is the best place he can be right now.”

He didn’t like being away from Cas with everything going on, but Sam was right. Cas was pretty certain that he was at the tail end of his transformation and that whatever was going to happen, would occur soon. It had been a toss-up between Bobby’s panic room or Bert’s farm as a safe haven while Cas was out of commission. They decided to go with Bert as she was a former nurse and her skills might become necessary. Dean also wanted someone who could sense what Cas was feeling as the angel had become increasingly more distant.

“We’ll all rest better when we get back,” was the only acknowledgment he made to Sam’s comment.

Dean could feel the tension in his muscles ease up a bit when they pulled up into Bert’s drive. And he did know that Bert would have called if anything had happened. Hell, they wouldn’t have even been at the farm if Dean didn’t trust her. But still, he needed to be here.

He itched to race into the house and see his friend, but he was still a good brother. He helped Sam out of the car and up the steps of the old farmhouse. He was glad to be out of the late summer heat and into the relative comfort of an air-conditioned room. And as usual, the delicious smells from the kitchen clung to the air, inviting them in.

Bert came around the corner, her easy expression immediately turning to concern as her eyes traveled over them. “What happened?”

“Demons thought they had settled into a nice sleepy town. They didn’t appreciate two hunters showing up to cause problems.”

“Do you need treatment?” she asked, her critical eye resting on Sam.

“Nah, Dean was kind enough to actually swing me by a hospital.”

Dean ignored the teasing jab and eased away from his brother, not having really expected Cas to come out and greet them, but still anxious to see him. Bert glanced over at him and then nodded her head towards the living room. Nervous anticipation hummed through him as he followed the foyer to the end of the hall. Cas was on the sofa, flipping through one of Bert’s manuals. There weren’t any obvious changes, but Cas just looked smaller to Dean. The strange thing, though, was that he could feel the power emanating from him.

“Hey, Cas.” He eased down onto the sofa next to him. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m good.” He closed the journal and focused his gaze onto Dean. “And the hunt? We thought you would be back last night.”

“Yeah, well, the demons were a little more tenacious than expected. But it’s all good now. Sorry we didn’t get back, though.”

“Don’t apologize,” Cas chided. “You were needed there more than here.”

“You come first.” Even as he said the words, they felt hollow because Dean had left to go on the hunt. Apparently, Cas was at peace with the decision, so he let it drop. “So any new developments?”

“No. I’m the same as I was when you left.”

“But you’re feeling ok?” Dean pressed.

Cas gave him a slight eye roll before nodding his head. “I feel fine. I’m bored more than anything, Dean.”

“Maybe we can find you something new to read,” he suggested, his voice trailing off as he noticed the slump of Cas’ shoulders. “Maybe a movie or something.”

“I’d rather be actively doing something. I’ve been reading and watching movies for weeks now. I know I can’t hunt, but I’m not going to break. Whatever is happening to me will run its course regardless of how active I am.”

Dean felt bad for keeping him grounded but until they really knew what they were facing, it was better for Cas to take it slow. The angel had taken some serious hits over the past few months, and Dean wasn’t sure that he would be able to handle everything that was potentially coming his way.

“Helping Bert harvest the vegetables will not be too taxing.”

“It’s late summer in Georgia,” Dean said with a slow shake of his head. “It’s way too hot out there. Sam and I can help her.”

“Dean,” Cas huffed, shooting him a look. “I went fishing this morning, and I feel fine. The walk to the pond and the morning spent outdoors was refreshing.”

“Fishing?” he repeated. It was a small thing. It really was, but the small things had been kicking their butts lately. Cas being too exhausted and unable to sleep had led to an energy drain where he never fully recovered what he’d lost. A sneeze in Oklahoma had turned into an upper respiratory infection that had the angel laid out for two days. Spicy foods upset his stomach, and strong fragrances made him sneeze.

“Fishing,” Bert confirmed, standing in the doorway. “He even caught lunch. Come on and I’ll fix you a plate.”

Dean gave her a quick eye, not at all fooled by her easygoing tone. “Yeah, sounds good.” He stood up and walked towards the kitchen. He was hungry, but he didn’t want to be. No, he wanted to be angry with Bert for wearing Cas down when he should have been conserving his strength.

“So, what the hell is going on?” he asked as soon as they stepped into the kitchen.

Bert gave him a sharp look but went ahead and started pulling down plates. “Just what he said. He’s fine."

He looked over at Sam who was already sitting at the kitchen table. His brother was no help, though. He simply shrugged and added nothing to the conversation.

He couldn’t believe this. Was he the only one seeing the problem here? “I thought we all agreed that the reason we’re here was to give Cas a safe place to rest up.”

“And he’s resting right now,” Bert pointed out as she slid two plates onto the table.

Sam, the traitor, picked up his fork and began eating right away.

“So, am I the only one who remembers Ohio?”

“To be fair, Dean, stumbling across a vamp nest is nothing like waking across Bert’s property,” Sam finally threw his two cents in.

And maybe not, but from where Dean was sitting, every time Cas exerted himself, he grew weaker. They had been successful in Ohio, and Cas had held his own, but just barely. Now that Cas was in better control of his emotions, Dean and Sam were having a difficult time getting a read on how he was doing, but Dean was pretty sure that Cas was still struggling with the overall adjustment.

“Sam, you know as well as I do that he’ll push himself until he drops.”

“Exactly,” Bert jumped in. “It’s not his nature to sit still. You’re worried about him, but all this inactivity is just as stressful on him.”

“You can sense that?” Sam asked.

“He told me. And I could feel that he felt a little calmer after he got a chance to get out and spread his wings, so to speak.”

He hated being in this position, having to always make the hard decisions to take care of those he loved. He left his plate untouched and went back into the living room. Cas was waiting for him.

“So what did you decide?”

“I’m just trying to help,” Dean shrugged, feeling helpless and more than a little defensive.

“I know, and I truly appreciate it, but I need you to trust me when I tell you that I’m fine.”

“Ok,” he agreed, not really sure what else he could do.

 

 

Dean was seriously reevaluating that definition of ‘fine’ as the evening wore on. Cas’ temperature began to rise even though he and Bert swore it had nothing to do with his earlier excursion.

“It’s just time, Dean,” Cas had explained in his usual reserved manner. But Dean wasn’t buying it. He knew his friend well enough to know that he was apprehensive about what was to come.

The four of them sat together in the living room as the evening wore on, flipping through the channels in search of something to keep everyone preoccupied.

The first muffled yawn came around 10pm from a sleepy Sam who was obviously feeling the discomfort of his wound. He was resting in one of the armchairs, his long legs sprawled out in front of him, occasionally shifting in search of a more comfortable position.

“Why don’t you call it a night, Sammy?”

“Nah, I’m good. It’s time for another painkiller is all.”

It was more than that and they all knew it. Cas was pretty warm at this point and withdrawn, barely saying a word.

Sam got up, wincing, as he unfolded himself out of the chair. “You guys want anything while I’m up?”

“Nothing for me,” he answered, glancing over at Cas, knowing he wouldn’t answer. He just sat quietly on his end of the sofa, staring blankly towards the television.

“Hey Cas, you ready to head up, get some sleep?”

“No,” he replied, never looking away from the television.

Dean exchanged a glance with Bert, who gave him a pointed look before leaving the room.

“Hey,” he tried again, angling for some type of hint as to what Cas was thinking. “You doing all right? Can I get you anything, do anything for you?”

“I think I’d like to just sit here, alone, if you don’t mind.”

He tried not to take it personally and told himself that was just Cas’ way of making sure they didn’t feel obligated to stay up with him. “Actually, I do. No offense but we’re not going to leave you alone. Not tonight.”

“Dean.”

“Sorry, Cas, but it’s not just me. This is what families do. Bert and Sam are with me on this.” He nodded towards the hallway where both of them had been hovering, trying to give them some semblance of privacy.

“You don’t understand. This may very well be my last moments as an angel. Dean, I know what I’ve done and what I deserve but to cease being what I am, what I was created to be….”

Dean scooted across the sofa, until he was right up next to Cas, suddenly alarmed by the extreme heat he could feel radiating off of him.

“And that’s why we won’t leave you alone. You’re family. There’s no pride or facing things on your own. And stop pretending that you’re all right. I don’t even need Bert’s powers to see how freaked you are. We’ve been through too much to start losing ground. Don’t shut me out now.”

The nod was so slight that Dean barely saw it, but he’ll take it. Bert and Sam’s confidence helped a little, but he was still terrified of the next few hours.

 

 

Despite their best efforts, it still felt like a bedside vigil. Bert and Dean had rearranged the furniture, giving everyone more room to spread out. Bert brought down pillows and light blankets, and the living room resembled a room in a flophouse with everyone spread out, tired but too anxious to readily fall asleep. They kept the television on with the volume down to a low hum, as it seemed to make Cas feel less self-conscious if everyone had something else to focus on other than watching over him.

Around 1am, Cas started to fidget. After hours of sitting almost as still as a statue, even the slightest movement was now extremely noticeable. Bert and Sam had drifted off about an hour ago, but Dean knew that he wouldn’t sleep at all tonight, despite Cas’ reassurances that he would be fine. Watching the angel shift around on the sofa, the little grimace on his face, convinced Dean that Cas had to really be feeling something to show even this much of a reaction. Walking over to him, he laid his hand across his forehead.

“Dude, you are burning up.” He yanked his hand away, panic beginning to well up, finally replacing the fluttering nerves that had been festering all evening. “Come on. We should get you up into a cold shower.” He gave a slight pull, ready to help ease him up, but the angel didn’t budge.

“Hey, a little help here,” he rasped, keeping his voice low. He wasn’t ready for a full-on panic attack where he woke everyone up, but he needed to be doing something, anything he could to help.

“Dean. This has to happen. There isn’t anything that you can do. My grace is burning out.”

“What does that mean? Can your body handle that?”

“It will.”

“But how can you know that? What if something goes wrong?”

“It won’t.”

“You can’t be sure.”

“I had a vision. I will be fine.”

“A vision,” he repeated. “And you didn’t think to mention something like that? What the hell, Cas?”

“Dean,” Cas snapped, a hint of frustration beginning to show. “Please. Not now.”

He backed up, giving him some space, still having a hard time believing what Cas had just told him. Part of him was incredibly relieved to know that his friend would be ok, but another part of him was beyond hurt that Cas had indeed shut him out again. He honestly didn’t know how to do this anymore. He’d be the first person to admit that he sucked at relationships, but he was really trying here. And he could accept that Cas was trying also, but after the past year, to not even mention the vision….

“Yeah, ok,” he muttered, settling onto the floor with his back pressed against the front of the sofa. Close enough to help if needed, but still giving Cas his space.

By 3am, Cas was laid out on the sofa, small droplets of sweat beading his forehead. Dean stayed in his spot on the floor, silently offering his support. By 5am, he was unconscious. Dean edged closer, his eyes taking in every detail. He reached out and gently took his pulse while watching his breathing. Resigned that there wasn’t anything else he could do, Dean sat beside his friend.

Bert was up with the sunrise. She checked Cas over as thoroughly as she could and deemed that he was simply exhausted. His temperature had leveled out to a normal 98.6 degrees, and Bert was satisfied with all of his vital readings. They shifted Cas around just enough to pull open the sofa bed and quickly got him settled again, exchanging his sweat dampened clothes for a dry t-shirt and boxers and then covering him with a light sheet.

“Get some sleep, Dean,” Bert advised. “I don’t see him waking any time soon. He’s come this far, he’ll make it the rest of the way.”

“And what makes you so sure?” Dean challenged, knowing her words made perfect sense, but also afraid that this would be yet another loss he would have to endure.

“I have faith,” she answered.

 

 

 

It was the afternoon of the next day that Bert came to get him. Cas had been asleep for the past 36 hours, and Dean had been a bundle of nervous energy. He was currently out in the yard, tuning up the old Ford when Bert approached him.

“He’s awake.”

He could tell by her expression that something was wrong. “What is it?”

“Physically, nothing that I can tell. He’s a little weak but that’s to be expected.”

“And?” he pressed, knowing there was more.

“He’s just so sad,” she whispered, her soft voice reflecting her own sorrow. “It’s so overwhelming.” Sam was immediately by Bert’s side, supporting her when she looked as if her legs were about to give out.

The relief that he felt over Cas being awake was tempered by Bert’s reaction. If Cas was projecting strongly enough to affect Bert in this way, then Cas hadn’t come through as unscathed as expected. Noting that Sam was watching over Bert, he headed back into the house.

Cas was still lying on the sofa bed in the living room, curled up on his side facing away from Dean. He didn’t need to be an empath to see how much he was hurting. It practically covered the room, hanging heavy in the air.

He took a step forward and then hesitated. He wanted to go to his friend, but Cas had been giving clear ‘back off’ signals. Cas had initiated the distance between them, and Dean no longer knew if he even wanted his comfort anymore.

He didn’t know how to help him. He’d been low before and never had found a good way to cope. He had nothing to offer Cas other than himself. He watched him for a moment, and when he heard the small sigh and saw the slight tremor that caused his shoulders to shake ever so slightly, he knew that would have to be enough.

He walked over to the sofa bed and slipped in behind him, pressing his chest up against his back, drawing Cas close to him. The former angel didn’t pull away, but he didn’t relax into the embrace either. He just lay there, allowing Dean to hold onto him.

“We’ll get through this Cas, I promise.”

Cas didn’t answer, but Dean hadn’t really expected him to.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for any typos that I may have missed.


End file.
